20+ things to say to someone who is grieving (when you don't know what to say)

Most times, we sit with people who are going through tough times and find ourselves completely paralyzed. You want to offer meaningful grief support, but you freeze. You think your silence makes you a terrible friend, when the reality is that our modern culture has never truly taught us how to talk about loss.

Navigating profound grief is one of the heaviest challenges we face, yet we often treat it as a taboo subject rather than a fundamental part of the human experience. When the people we care about are drowning in sorrow, it puts a massive strain on our relationships.

We want to protect their mental health, yet we stumble over our words, terrified of sounding generic, numb, or accidentally causing more pain. If you have ever stared at a blank text message box wondering what to say to a hurting friend, this guide is for you.

I've witnessed conversations parents have with a friend or someone they know close enough to attend a burial of a loved one, and I noticed the most important things said aren’t the ones built around the hurt but around them getting better.

It would be insanity to ask someone who is grieving the death of a loved one or pet, “Are you okay?” And that's where most people fail.

Here are 130 thoughtful, intentional things to say to people when they are grieving, starting with the first 20.