How To Communicate Better

You ever sat with someone who, in any case scenario, just talks and talks over the phone, or in person, about nothing other than themselves, and you're just sitting there like, “boy, this isn't working for me. I should probably just let this person off and go home to my cat”?

Why? Because you're drained. Listening to them talk — about their life's problems, family, relationship and or personal issues, forgetting you too have your BS you're dealing with.

But that's the thing about most people. They look for someone who they know they trust (you) to have that kind of conversation with.

Someone they know wouldn't interrupt or dismiss them. But same time, that's all you were thinking about. Both you and that person are practicing what I call ‘bad communication habits.’

And when you FINALLY get a chance to tell them, they just drop it. They, “you know what? I don't feel like talking about this anymore. It's over anyways” at you. 

It's that, right at your 10 possible advice and solutions to THEIR life problems.

Here's how you're at fault.

I understand that you of all person, aren't one to interrupt other people but that doesn't mean your solutions are less valid or considered. 

You know the person is at fault, but instead you stayed silent, waiting for them to finish (which is good) but waiting for them to finish talking just to be cut off in the end? 

Yeah, didn't think so.

Here's how they’re at fault.

They don't acknowledge you in that moment, and think nothing of you than a c.ai bot. Someone they can just vent and rant to and think you “wouldn't have a problem” with that. 

How To Communicate Better

Listen

“Focus on understanding and not preparing your response.”

Sometimes just being there, listening to each other, can solve the problem much quicker than you'd ever realize.

Just remember that both you and the person you're having the conversation with, needs to listen and hear each other out. That's how to get somewhere in a conversation. And not making the argument/conversation about yourselves instead.

Sometimes, listening saves us from unnecessary oversharing and embarrassing talks that we might not be sure of. You had something you just wanted to blurt out, but then, you had decided to remain silent and that embarrassing thing you wanted to say, they mentioned it and addressed it. And you're like, “phew! Thank goodness I didn't bring it up.”

That's what just listening to them, can save you from.

Be honest

“Express your feelings with tact & awareness.”

Being honest has saved more conversations from dying from the conception. The key to an open communication is being honest. Tell them how you feel but be aware of how you communicate it with them. Certain person's deal with either bad/good news differently. 

Don't lie just to keep the conversation going, or say something you think the other person would want to hear just to sound “interesting/cool” for no reason.

And you, the listener, should be aware of your presence. If the conversation isn't going smoothly as you had planned it to, let the other person know. You have things scheduled for you too. But in a way that you both could get up your aging butts, get ice cream and walk each other back home.

Pay attention to body language 

“Non verbal cues speak volume.”

Body language should be one of the most important (yet overlooked), part of any communication. 

How their face changes at the sight of you, the silent awkward moments, the brushing off their hands on their jeans, the brushing off the parts of their clothes you touched, and the faint smiles. 

How they react when you how them, their expression from different topics of the conversations. Eye contacts as well. These speak silent volume of just how that person relates with you. Either both good or bad. 

If it were good, you'd notice how they remain locked in with eye contact, they listen with their eyes and ears, they don't take out their phones at the chime of a notification, they don't silent you when on call or greeting someone else. They let you be you, and soak up every bit of the moment they have with you, because they know they won't have them again.

Don't assume

“Ask questions to clarify when unsure.”

People's assumption has killed more conversations than the conversation been had. 

You know when you sit and listen to someone talk and you just zone out and begin to see the important things you can do if you're back at home? 

It happens. And this is one of those moments. 

When you start laying assumptions, “oh- I heard that's what happened to Chad.”

“How did you know that”?

“Uh..well, someone told me.”

“Yeah, like they told you his name is actually Ben and not Chad”? 

Picture if you were in that moment. Embarrassing isn't it? That's what assumung things would get you.

Stay silent if you're not sure or don't even know anything about what you're being told. Just listen. If you have anything to add to the conversation (valid and backed up by facts) only then, can you talk. 

Same goes for group conversations, online or not. 

Be mindful 

“Make sure the conversation, flows both ways — give & receive.”

When having a conversation with someone about personal issues, one of the ways you can ensure it flows better and not get caught off is if you acknowledge other people involved. The ones who are sitted right beside you, listening. The ones on the other side of the planet, listening to you talk on a phone call of an hour. Those are who you should be mindful about.

Don't cut them off when they're giving pointers about both you and whatever it is you're complaining to them about.

If you don't, then we'd see who you'd call to talk to when next the same issue come up.

People are fond of bringing up their own issues whenever they're having a discussion with someone. They don't ask anything else, but their own problems. That's not being mindful. You go as far as putting them off before they could speak. 

How to be mindful? Here's how.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“How's work going?”

And then ask if you can share your issue, instead of just throwing it at them. 

“I have this issue I've been trying to resolve for a while now, are you less busy? I'd like us to talk about it, if it won't be a bother.”

Or something else, depending on the aura of the chat.

Now, that you've learnt how to hold proper communications with others, I'd be happy to see that you'd use them in ways most effective to both you and your partner or friend.